I just watched this, and I think you should too. It's Sarah Kay, again, the spoken word poet, at TED talks with two poems and a speech that turned me inside out.
The way she engages with you, the way she uses words, and the incredible ingenuous beauty of her attitude and beliefs - it blows me away. Watching it even once fills me with an almost painful desire to be like that, and to do what she does.
I'm only young, but already I can't shake the feeling that it's too late to become a beautiful person. I know it's not true, but how exactly do you change the way you are for the better? I have been an arms-up-in-front-of-me "cool, unphased" person for so long now. How can you relapse into that childlike openhanded view of the world? I hate change. I am proud, cynical, and unadventurous. How do you change that? Is it a slow gradual process of doing little things here and there to eventually get into a pattern of it? Do you make the most of oppertunities to go out of your comfort zone? Is it compromising for others? Is it letting go of dreams of shelter and safety?
I have this vision, just to myself, to be "wonderful". "Wonderful", to me, has interesting implications, in that I want to be someone like Kathleen Kelly, from You've Got Mail, or her mother, Cecilia Kelly, who was remembered merely because she was "enchanting". I want to be someone who is enchanting with her passion, joy, devotion, and authenticity. I want to be someone who engages and connects. I more than most things in the world don't want to be the sort of someone who doesn't do things because it's different. I would never have thought myself to be that sort of person, but it seems I am. I want to make a habit of breaking bad habits, and doing the things I say over and over again that I will when I'm a grown up. What am I doing?
I'm not sure. Perhaps this is another "into the void" post.